I've been caring for my mother in her home, now aged 97 since my dad died 20 years ago, She lived 2 1/2 hours from my home, while I was working and commuiting to my full tme job, 1 1/2 hours away in a different direction. I kept her in her home, as I promised her, for as long as she could live alone, which was Feb. 2007. I had to quit my beloved full time job in June, because 2 full time jobs were just killing me off. Now I'm just a full time caregiver for the past year and 2 months, Some days I feel like I'm in prison, the last good years of my life waisting away, I'm a month from 69 years old. My retirement dreams, up in smoke.

She is the same person, a retired teacher, but each character flaw is more intense now, and magnified; compulsive, perfectionist, complainer and has always loved to argue, (she complains about everything, all day long), She says things emphatically, that are simply not true. but she believes what she is saying. Really, she didn't play golf last year and she hasn't lived in Hayward since 1965. She says things out loud all day long, things that you'd think in your head, She has absolutely no short term memory, The same question will be repeated 3, 4 or more times. No Logical memory, the part of the brain that understands, & has very little long term memory left. Her hearing is poor, her nose runs, her back hurts, she's cold, (our medically discounted heating bill ran over $200 throughout the winter.) she's tired. She asks the same questions over and over. She'll fixate on one subject. There's no quality to her life. The Dr.'s wanted to put a pacemaker in when her heart was giving out a couple of years ago. "There's a chance it might improve her memory." It didn't improve one bit. I take her to Friendship Center at $60.00 per session, 2x a week, to give her socialization and stimulation and give me a chance to get errands run and get a small break.

The most rewarding thing is, I know that she is well taken care of in her last days/years in my home and occasionally she'll says "I don't know how you do it all." or "thank you."

How I wish a friend would just call up out of the blue and say, "I'm coming over today to take care of your mom so you can get away." That would be the best gift a person could give a caregiver.. ..

Angels have a way of knowing what we need and when we need them.Is their a friend you can ask to relieve you?
Time away from the task at hand makes such a difference.I am hoping you get that knock at your door, an angel in disguise.

I was a caregiver for three different people , family members.In the beginning I was so ill informed and equipped to handle everything.With the help of so many I gained the information required to do the job.The rest was trial error and seeking all information available.
My caregiving came to an end with the passing of the final loved one.
To me is was worth all the time and energy I put forth.I became a better person.I gained so much self confidence and I learned to challenge my self.
I would not be who I am today if not for my caregiving experience.I also learned with each negative there is a positive.

I would not be who I am today if not for my caregiving experience.  

Beautifully put, km.

Although this health dialogue seems to focusing on the care-taking of elderly relatives, I'd like to point out that there are many folks in our community who are doing the case-management and care-taking of relatives with mental illness. This is a highly stressful situation, and the most frequent comment I hear in the support groups we run is, "It's like walking on egg-shells all the time......we don't want to get X stressed out or upset". The situation is complicated by the nature of the illness, where there is often denial, non-compliance with medication, anger, isolation and irritability. We need more day treatment centers, respite opportunities and more case management services for these folks who aren't costing the county any money since their needs are being met by family members.

liz/nami - yes, we are focusing on aging, but you raise a very interesting point. I can see how this would be a stressful situation, with complications from many sides. Thanks for posting.

When I took care of my mother during the last four months of her life, I had no experience in caring for anyone with anything more serious than a bad flu. I had no idea of the complications and emotional turmoil that I would face. An example:

How do you tell a 75-year-old woman, one who has always been defiantly independent, who happens to be your mother and who is dying of cancer but still has all her buttons, that you’re going to put her in diapers? It’s a question I would, in the abstract, be capable of mulling over for days, weighing just the right words and approach. But I had already learned that because enough unexpected things go wrong every day with a diseased and dying body, you just make a decision, execute it and move on to whatever surprise comes next.

Tact is not one of my strengths so it seemed magical to me how easily we discussed diapers without fuss or discomfort. I like to think that for once I chose my words well, but it is more likely that Mom’s desire to lighten my burden made the difference.

I somehow came up with jokes that got us through those first tentative cleanings, powderings and diaperings, and soon the jokes were unnecessary. In meeting Mom's needs and desires around the clock, there was no time to get hung up on the ick factor, and within a couple of days changing diapers became commonplace. Mom and I hardly noticed it among so many other daily demands on our time.

In the end, those months of caregiving became and remain the most profound experience of my life. Years later, I wrote about it in a series on my elderblog, Time Goes By. You can find it here: http://www...eries.html

The single most challenging thing is finding help. Those tiresome articles on "don't forget to care for the caregiver" irk me. I'd love to - but how?? I'm too "rich" to pay for help and too poor to qualify for assistance. At 59, I have been singlehandedly caring for my husband, who has advanced MS and is now virtually quadriplegic, for years. I refuse to put him in a facility when the quality of our life at home is still good - but I know the demands are putting a strain on my health, and can't imagine what we'd do if I got seriously ill. We have no family nearby. This situation literally forces people to put their loved ones in facilities when this could be avoided if help were available. We're not even talking about huge help. Just getting him bathed, dressed and into his wheelchair - even a few days a week - would be huge.

The most rewarding thing about caregiving is it enables us to stay together. He's my husband and best friend. We don't want to lose the pleasure of each other's company before we have to.

What would ease the burden is funding for in-home caregiver support, along a better caliber of hired caregivers. Most of the disabled people we know gave up on agency candidates long ago in favor of finding, hiring and training someone on their own. Finding these people is very difficult - the good ones are jealously guarded! - and paying their salary and benefits is beyond most average peoples' means.

I would like to point out something very important to the producers of such radio and television shows aht this message brings to light - there is a misconception that caregivers means elderly. The majority of spousal caregivers, especially, are under the age of 65. The focus of their lives and their frustrations is so different from that of a person who has lived to retirement then becomes a caregiver to their husband/wife.

Younger spousal caregivers struggle to take care of themselves, their kids, their ill spouse, their house, and they are generally the sole financial provider for the family as well.

While it's helpful to think that family members will rally around when your husband/wife gets sick - that's not always the case.
I belong to an organization - WSA (Well Spouse Association), www.wellspouse.org, who helps to bring emotional support to spousal caregivers. While I think many organizations would love to help with respite care/costs/facilities - the funding just isn't there right now. It needs to be addressed on the national agenda and included with the so-called healh care reforms our politicians speak of.

AMEN...I was robbed of my 30 something spouse and my then toddler son of his Dad and have found VERY little help other than groups/programs for the elderly. He was our bread winner, thus I am woefully trying to work f/t, care for our ADHD son/help him with his homework, deal with my spouse's numerous surgeries, depressive episodes/hospitalizations as a result of same (disabling him from ever returing to his security clearanced lined of work), anger episodes (understandable, you'd be pissed off too if in pain 24 x 7 and unable to reclaim your career), a mountain of legal docs, the loss of the man I married (his demeanor and clarity of thought process gone), the loneliness, the upkeep of our home (for as long as we can continue to afford it), and the payment of his Ivy League school loans (still have to be paid, even though he may never work again) and just short of $2,000 per month in medical premiums and co-pays (I work for a sole practicioner, thus no medical benes, but even if there were, it would be 50-75% of my salary anyway). Interestingly enough, I work with the elderly in helpin them obtain Medicaid eligibility and in estate planning and can unequivocably tell you that I have YET to have one person's file come across my desk wherein that elderly person was more financially burdened than us (as most get Medicaid as an age earned entitlement and pay well under $300 a month total for all medical, while we must await the 2 year time period before my spouse can apply for same...which STILL leaves my son and I without medical/paying privately for medical coverage.)

Your story sounds very much like mine. My husband got hurt 8 years ago and has major depressive episodes in addition to his physical disability. He was a work a holic guy who cannot work anymore. I'm trying to work full time, pull in extra freelance work for extra money that we need, take care of my daughter (who is high functioning autistic!) and keep my sanity all at the same time. And I've found that they other true support for caregivers locally are for those caregiving a spouse who is terminal (mine could live forever with chronic pain) or for those caring for the elderly. There's a big hole where support needs to be for those caring for younger, disabled spouses. Nobody seems to GET IT! I would love to, just once, sit down and talk with somebody who really understands what I'm talking about!

There also needs to be some forum where caregivers can share PRACTICAL tips on what they've learned. There's a wealth of knowledge out there that isn't getting shared, and existing caregiver sites are no help because they won't allow you to mention a specific product or brand. (I'll never forget trying to respond to a poster's question by suggesting a terrific gadget, and having the post deleted because it mentioned a product!) As a result, these boards lean more toward emotional support. We all go into this knowing nothing and having no way to learn except by trial and error. There is little or no training out there. At least we could pick each other's brains!

Anonymous,

I work for the Well Spouse Association and our WSA forum at our website, www.wellspouse.org allows and encourages postings like you describe. Our mission is to provide emotional support to our members, but we do this by programs and services that allow spousal caregivers to connect and share not just their feelings, but also practical information as well. We have many postings on our website referencing specific products and information on where/how to find the products.

The WSA is the only national organization dedicated to supporting only those husbands, wives, and partners taking care of their ill spouse with any chronic and/or long-term illness or disability. Our members have unique needs due to the spousal relationship they have lost in some form during their loved one's illness/disability. They find that general caregiver support groups, forums, and memberships don't provide the help they need- but WSA does.

If the WSA forum is not for you because you are not a spousal caregiver - I would suggest contacting the NFCA(The National Family Caregiver Association) to let them know you are looking for this. The NFCA Speak Up campaign encourages family caregivers to speak up for their needs. Perhaps they would be willing to add in a forum topic for this purpose, if you request it.


Paula LeBlanc
Well Spouse Association
www.wellspouse.org
800-838-0879

I've been caring for my dad for five years after his Alzheimer's diagnosis. Before that I cared for my dying mom. What's been frustrating to me is that when my father has been at his worst (wandering, raging,etc.) is that most health care providers and facility directors just give you their 2 cents and send you on your merry way. However, their band-aids rarely worked and often just left me pissed off and resentful. How dare they not realize what a crisis we were in and try harder to throw us a life preserver?

I finally found an excellent geriatrician through the Alzheimer's Asso. who made in-home visits and who deeply cared for not only my father's but my own well-being. This was huge because having her come to us (although expensive) helped to prevent stressful visits (one time my dad tried to jump out of the car while I was going 70 mph on Hwy. 280!) She worked hard to come up with medications to control his very difficult behaviors and helped him feel better.

I also moved him to a much less attractive facility that had an amazing director who understood the inner workings of the disease much better than the director at the first facility he was at. She has been a Godsend to our father and to me. I guess the key to our turnaround has been never striving to believe that there ARE people out there who care and never giving up on finding them no matter how frustrating and lonely an experience that can be. It's worth it!

If you’re a caregiver, what’s been the single most challenging thing about the experience? What’s been the most rewarding?

I have two sets of parents. My mother and stepfather live in AZ while my father and stepmother live in OH. My stepfather has Alzheimer's and after several years of denial on my mother's part, he is now in a care home while she still lives in their home by herself. My father has just been put in a nursing home for reasons not totally clear. I am the person among my siblings who is the person to focus on caring for our parents. The most challenging thing is being at a distance and trying to sort out what I'm being told by parents and how to best help each one.

My mother actually concerns me because she's determined to stay in their home AND her short-term memory is fading fast. She can take care of herself but she cannot get anything else done. She's stubborn and it causes us worry that something could happen to her and she wouldn't have anyone around to help.

What would ease the burden on caregivers and their loved ones?

The shocking thing for me to experience with my parents, is that the way our health care system is currently set up it is so complicated and they are left entirely to themselves to try and sort it out with less than clear minds and shorter attention spans. It would be great if all the insurance related things could be vastly simplified and that there would be ready assistance (trustworthy) that parents and their caregivers could use.

If you’re not a caregiver, are you making plans for that possibility? Are you coordinating with others in your family? What are your expectations? What are your concerns?

We did some planning prior to need. It's been helpful that all the parents have advanced directives and healthcare power of attorney papers drawn up. It caused us to talk about difficult subjects ahead of time. Being in the middle of it is challenging however.

What plans, if any, are you making for your own care?

Watching the decline of my once vibrant stepfather to Alzheimer's has caused me to really think through when I would want help to die if necessary. I know if he was in his right mind he would not want to be in his current situation. I do not want to experience that and do not want my children to have to deal with it either.

I just wanted Bay Area caregivers to know that there is a non-profit available to provide free durable medical equipment to families that have limited access to needed resources. You can look them up at HomeCARES.org to find out about their locations in Alameda County, San Francisco, and Marin. When you no longer need the equipment, they will accept it back to pass on to the next family.

The Most Challenging thing about Caregiving was waking up at all hours of the night, often with only a couple of hours sleep, to provide the care that the Doctor or visiting Nurse instructed me to do.

The most rewarding thing was the knowledge that the one I Love above all others in the world was receiving the BEST CARE I could possibly provide.

"What would ease the burden on caregivers and their loved ones?" Answer: Medical advances which would allow the Loved One to retain a lucid clear mind while minimizing or eliminating pain and suffering. That does not mean "live forever", rather maximizing ability while dealing with a terminal illness.

"If you’re not a caregiver, are you making plans for that possibility? Are you coordinating with others in your family? What are your expectations? What are your concerns?"
Answer: Since my Wife passed away I am living alone. My Son and Daughter live about 400 miles away in different directions. I cannot expect them to move here and I have no wish to leave the home I have lived in for the past 25 years. My concern is that I could suddenly be taken ill and not have the ability to call for help. The Doctor tells me I have had 1 small stroke, which I am taking medication for, however I have no recollection of it. It seems that this may just be part of the human condition. I should probably look into some sort of medic alert device I can either wear or carry with me. At some point I may find a lady I can Love and Respect, but I must be careful as I am lonely and cannot allow that to effect my judgement.

You sound like you have a very healthy perspective on the situation. I wonder if others might have suggestions about how you might be more connected to someone close by, in case you do encounter a difficult situation. If anyone else has thoughts about this, please share.

I am the mother of an adult daughter with a severe mental illness. I would like to recommend that you have a separate program on caregiving for mentally ill loved ones, which brings in different and extra dimensions to the challenges of caregivers of the elderly. One is the grieving for what might have been, which is hard to ignore when you are caregiving 24/7. It is worse when you hear your child lament what s/he can’t have because of the illness—e.g. independence, children, a job, friends. And the possibility of suicide may also loom.
Affordable, livable housing with appropriate supervision, case management and activities is desperately needed, but sorely lacking, even at a price. Our primary “facilities” for the mentally ill are the sidewalk and prison, a travesty in a country that considers itself enlightened.
I enjoy being around my bright, compassionate, witty and insightful daughter and getting to know her friends, and she provides me with a constant lesson in what is important in life. But the price of these perks has been dear, especially for her.

kareni, I will pass your suggestion along to the show's producers. Thanks very much for your input.

Caring for someone with Alzheimer’s – who cannot tell you what they are feeling or what they need, and whose reality is upside down (along with their internal clock) – makes for an overwhelming situation. This was my life for 8 years while my mother lived with me. She succumbed to the disease after surviving with it for almost two decades.

Getting through this experience – for me – could only be accomplished by taking it one day (sometimes one minute) at a time and simply not thinking about the future. But, that is dangerous, as I learned when I had not done enough “safety checks” and my mother wandered away from home one day. My heart still skips a beat whenever I think about that frightening experience.

Because my mother’s life and death with Alzheimer’s was so awful, and I felt I never could do enough to ease her suffering, I am now involved in advocating for research and programs & services so that one day others won’t have to go through what we did. Not only has this volunteer aspect give me a soothing way to direct my energy, I actually feel it can do some public good – and, most of all, it allows me to keep my mother’s picture at the forefront of my mind.
Sherrie Matza

sherrie3and5, you seem to have really invested yourself in making a difference. You may have tapped into something that others will want to help with as well. If someone else wanted to follow your lead and begin advocating, where would they start?

Thank you for asking about how to get involved. I think we need to all find our own voice -- determine what it is we care about -- and reach outside of ourselves. My "cause" is finding a cure or prevention for Alzheimer's disease, and improving the life of those who live with it. Fortunately, I'm not out there alone -- the Alzheimer's Association and I found eachother and I have never been among a more dedicated, passionate (and smart!) group of people. The California Chapters make advocacy a priority and for that I am ever thankful1 Please go to www.alznorcal.org for more information, and to find out how to sign up for our first ever rally on the steps of the state Capitol on April 16!. I and others would be happy to talk with whoever is interested in getting involved. Thank you.

The most challenging thing is living in a capitalistic society that seems to punish the sick, disabled and their families. At 11 mos of marriage my husband at 31 yrs of age sustained a severe closed head injury and I have been caring for him over 18 yrs. It has been a struggle daily to provide life-term care for a husband who won't be able to work so he is not worth the cost of helping him improve or is it profitable to help provide in home care to a spouse or family member instead of a care facility. Cynical, you bet! I have seen way too many struggle for too long!

The most rewarding is my husband mouths out "I love you" every nite for over 17 yrs. Recently i saw on 60 minutes about Ambien helping brain damaged speak and when he is given ambien he SAYS "I love you"

It was said on 60 minutes that over 40% of brain damaged people have been misdiagnosed as being in a pvs state. Why isn't more being done about this?

Fortunetly California has a Caregiver Resource Center who helps all caregivers. They helped me through many dark days. We now reside in Florida. Much more is needed tho. I would like to see some financial aid given and also recognition to family caregivers who are a vital resource to our society by providing love, in home care and quality to life for their loved one at great sacrifice to their own life instead of the only other option of depleting assets to qualify for medicaid or divorce.

You raise a good point about the PVS state, though it's a bit off topic for todays discussion. I do know that financial aid for caregivers is on the agenda.

Stillcaryon, are you getting help from any family members, either financial or otherwise? Any children helping? You are obviously very committed. Thanks so much for sharing.

I'VE BEEN caring for my mother for 6 1/2 years, from a fiesty opinionated, active woman to one who now rarely speaks & can barely walk, has to be fed, dressed & bathed. She has advanced alzheimers & recently diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer. I've not taken a vacation or any time off from caring for her in this time.The most challenging thing is because she has very good pensions coming in, she is at an economic level where many services are only available to her for private pay, therefore many great services are not feasible or it would break the bank. i am the sole caregiver, I am her daughter & my life has essentially stopped, more so as her condition deterioates. I quit work to care for her because balancing out the cost going out to care or my paying someone who would just plop her in front of the t.v. did not add up to what I would be making (I am not a professional so don't make a huge income). The majority of caregivers I have experienced don't understand tAlzheimers disease, they think it just means someone "forgets". they just place her in front of the t.v. rather than engage her by playing ball or singing songs. They fail to understand there is STILL A PERSON INSIDE that needs interaction.
She has already been put on hospice & taken off because she didn't decline fast enough. So essentially I have become her doctor & nurse & have educated myself.
My experience with "the medical community" is that they see no need to "treat" a person with Alzheimers because they "are on their way out". So I haven't experienced the support I feel appropriate from her doctors. The couple of times she was in the hospital, it seems that Nurses don't really grasp the disease either. they talk to the patients about pushing the "panic button" turning on the T.V. etc... Even after you inform them the have Alzheimers.
To care for myself I have dogs who get me outside to frolic, I go to the gym & I've begun a weight loss regeim.

Can you please comment on the challenges of being a long-term caregiver of someone with Alzheimers? My father is the primary caregiver for my mother how has late stage alz. They live in Phoenix, I live here in San Francisco. I try to be supportive, visit often, look for resources etc, but it is very difficult watching my father do all the work!

Hi Anon, can't promise they'll get to it, but I'll pass this on to the producers...thanks!

Re long-term caregiving - I meant "long-distance"! oops

Oh - I'll send a correction!
:)

I have placed my 91-year-old mother with Alzheimers in a private assisted living home for $5500 a month, not covered my Medicare; her medications are covered by Medicare part D but they are so expensive that I have waived that insurance premiums and can buy them online for cash at a great savings. So how is Medicare helping our family? Not at all.

My mother-in-law recently passed away after two months in critical care and a short time in a rehab center, and the process was quite an education. Some family members were local (and my wife crossed the country to support them), and the hospital care was excellent, but there were so many details to keep track of and priorities changing daily, it was no surprise in retrospect that there were challenges in the hand-off between places, with some dropped balls.

Dorrie had been healthy, independent, driving 81, but one small thing led to the all-too-common "cascade effect" and what did her in, in the end, was really the effects of being hospitalized and in bed for two months.

I've been working to help people co-create their own "cohousing" neighborhoods, intergenerational and for seniors, where they can help keep an eye on and support each other, doing much to keep people engaged and prevent the need for professional care... and to help supervise it (informally) and arrange it when necessary. This model comes from Denmark, where a national focus on successful aging provides training and engagement and demand-based creation of supportive housing in time for the need. We just spent the past weekend at the American Society on Aging conference, bringing attention beyond "aging-in-place" strategies to "Aging In Community" models including "Beacon Hill Village" style neighborhood organizing of caregiving and transportation support.

raines - you should try calling in. Not much time left, but give it a shot. Very interesting!

Here's the number - 866-733-6786.

I am about forty years and seen in real life as a child a grandfather as a vegetable for 20 years after a paralytic stroke.It takes a lifetime effort by members of family to be caring.
Turning to family is the best possible option.
But the problem arises in the next decade when its not possible for family members to do this.
Some solutions can be,
1.The present youth need to be introduced to the care giving ideas right from school age ,and this can be introduced as a part of the curricullum at school level.The next generation have to grow up with the feelings that they grow old too one day.This need for them to feel and be responsible when they grow up has to be enforced at school level.The present day youth live in a well protected ,celluloid world.Its not reality.
2.Certified local Agencies can attract ,employ and train people to help the elderly and people in need.In turn agencies can get tax benifits,companies/businesses helping such agencies get tax benifits.
This can become a industry by itself.People in need have to buy this plan may be as part of insurance also.
Like hospitals this should be a business idea and run as a business,and such agencies can have a deal with health care providers to give them business and agency take a commission out of this.
Home makers ,unemployed people,college grads,retired people,can be a part of this workforce.Only the agency should hire them so the work can be tracked .
(Part time ,full time employments can be offered.)

The people in need of help/attention should go through the agency.
As medical care as well as the feeling of moral support is very vital for old people.Old people need somebody to talk to,trust etc.
Agencies can take the help of local church to attract people.
This could be a outline of idea.

No, I'm the sole caregiver to my husband and yes family has helped financially through the years. The California Caregiver Resource Center is a good starting place for those looking for help. Even tho severely brain damaged people and those with alzheimers seem to be opposite many of their daily needs are the same and those needs change daily also. Sole caregiver's like LStJohn should be respected more from the medical community and i feel that sole caregivers should receive some financial compensation.

Yes, makes sense the needs would be the same. Very good info for others, thanks.

A lot of people don't know that the Veterans Administration will pay for in-home care for veterans and their spouses, based on eligibility. The program is called Special Pension with Aid and Attendance. This Special Pension helps Veterans and surviving spouses who require the regular help of another in basic activities such as bathing, dressing, etc.

It is not easy to maneuver through the VA maze, but for eligible people, the program can be a lifesaver. Eligibility for this is partially based on active military service in the Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines, or Coast Guard (or Merchant Marines during WWII), during an active war. Veterans Express (www.veterans-express.com) may be helpful in determining eligibility. Senior Helpers, an in-home provider of non-medical care for the elderly and the disabled, partners with Veterans Express to provide free service to help Veterans determine whether they are eligible for this program.

Susan Grant
Senior Helpers/East Bay
510-524-6700

My mother is 87 and homebound in the East Bay. I live on the Peninsula. After MUCH prodding and a myrid of home workers, she has finally decided to move to an assisted living facility on the Peninsula. Here's the challenge: I find its INCREDIBLY DIFFICULT to find a resource to help me navigate the assisted living facilities on the Peninsula let alone find a list of the "better ones". The one she approved of has a 6 month waiting list. We have limited resources. Any suggestions other than the phonebook?

It is real important that if someone wants to keep their loved one at home, they should look into Adult Day Care programs. I am the director of SarahCare of Campbell Adult Day Care and I have seen the difference our program makes in the lives of our participants and their caregivers. An outside source can really be beneficial to all those involved! We provide activities that stimulate the mind, the body and one can socialize with peers. It is crucial that people who stay at home as either caregiver or being cared for get a variety in life instead of just looking at each other all day! We are social beings no matter what disease we are facing or role as caregiver we take on! Please take time to check us out or any program in your community that can help! I say this for YOU! Please find some respite today!

My sister and I have been caring for my mom and dad for the past two years.
They live with my sister. Both of us have full time jobs. I'm very lucky that
I can work from home and that allows me to care for them during the day.
Everyday instead of going to the office I go to my sisters house to watch over
my parents. My sister leaves for work and then she takes over after she gets
off of work. And she cares for them on the weekends.

We have watched our mom get deteriorate and it is very sad. She has Parkinson
and Dementia. She no longer is mobile which in a way it's a good thing.
She would get up sometimes and fall. We were very lucky that she never hurt
herself.

My Dad on the other hand is a handful. He can barely walk and he fights with us
all the time. More so with my sister than me. We can never do anything right.
Everything we do is wrong. He makes a mountain out of mole hill and fights with us.
He keeps telling us that he wants to go back home to his house in Los Angeles.
The problem is he can no longer live alone. It's a constant fight. We are stressed out
all the time.

We love out parents but my dad makes things so hard for us. We can't afford to hire a
caretaker for them. We don't know where to ask for help. We are all miserable living
this way. I hate that my dad is unhappy he is going to live the last few years miserable.
He insists that wants to take my mom with him back to Los Angeles. We have no one
to care for them in Los Angeles. We can not let him take my mom in her condition.
It is a struggle everyday. We have no ideas what kind of services are offered for the elderly.

My sister and I are sad, stressed out and we are dammed if we do and dammed if we don't.
We are getting sick from all this stress, my back and knees and wrist are aching from
lifting my mom ten times a day. My sister back hurts and she is so stressed out and hurt
by my dads rudeness and his mean behavior.