My mother, wife, and mother-in-law have all lived the principles taught in Sister Beck's talk, and I would just like to thank them for being such incredible mothers. I have yet to find closer, more devoted family relationships, and I attribute it to their work as mothers. As I listened to Sister Beck's talk, I was grateful that mother's are still being praised for their remarkable work and sacrifice.

Chas, South Salt Lake


Here is the official transcript of the talk: http://lds...27,00.html

Here's a link to the mp3: http://bro...1_eng_.mp3

When I had my son, it was the most wonderful thing that ever happened to me. When I had to go back to work, I sat and held him and cried. It was so hard working and leaving my son. All my life I had planned to be a working woman. I thought I could do anything a man could do and I was right. The problem is after I had my son, I felt robbed.

I started to believe the most important thing in the world was my son. It wasn’t my job, it wasn’t my career, it was the little person I had brought into the world who I didn’t get to spend enough time with.

Of course this left no time to stay up no politics. When both parents work, they both have to come home and clean the house, and try to work in as much time as they can with their child(ren). I think this is a good explanation as to why our government is getting away with so much now days. When my grandma was a stay at home mom, she got involved in caucuses. People used to go vote at her house. When you are a working parent, do you really have enough time to be involved?

Society tells us we gain our identity through our jobs, and it’s this great thing, but I really thing we and society are getting the short end of the stick.

There’s also the fact that most women like myself have to work, and we don’t have a choice due to inflation. How many households now days can afford to have a person stay at home? Many people don’t think of this as a problem because it has always been this way in their lifetime.

Here are some interesting films, on the cause of inflation
http://dig...ally_works (47 minutes in four parts on YouTube)
http://dig...ey_Masters (3 hours on Google Video)

You can also buy the DVDs from their perspective web sites.

I don't believe that inflation will ever force me to go to work. I am committed to being a full-time stay at home Mom. I am willing to sacrifice having a second car, faster internet, more channels on TV,name brand clothing, even home ownership, to be able to be home with my growing children and teach them the things that are most important. I don't need any of those things, yes they would be nice, but I don't need them. I need to have time with my children, and they need to have a "Mother who knows".

I have just moved to Louisiana from a very Mormon community in Idaho. I am very surprised at how few women in the church here stay at home. it is almost impossible to stay at home with your children. I did listen to the talk. I stay home with my baby, we are struggling financially, my husband is an educator. I think it is so important to stay home. but it is not realistic to encourage people to have children right away before getting an education. It is not realistic to expect families to have tons of kids when it is hard to feed just 3. I think this is something that needs to be looked at. Many of the people in SLC in higher positions in the church have high paying jobs. They don't know what it is like to live paycheck to paycheck. And for a lot of that paycheck to go to health care costs. I stay home, as is encouraged by the church. Again, I advocate that. But please, don't tell me I need to keep having kids when the ones I have are lucky to get 3 meals a day without assistance from the ward or government.

Perception.

im sorry that last line makes no sense, whats the difference between the 2 if that is what we are trying to be and shes pointing it out isnt that implying what she thinks we should be.
Id love to hear her focus on something deeper that shirts, ties, haircuts, washing, dishes and whatever was the ideal in her 1960's motherhood.

Perception.

Hearing the talk by president beck during conference appauled me. As a male in the church i felt women were slapped in the face and set back 60 years. As a teenager, i remember the up-roar Pres. Benson caused with his remarks, and feeling sorry for women in the church, even at that young age.
I feel the hardest thing to hear was that she didnt give what you guest is calling, "concrete direction" for mothers. She gave no direction, she merely focused on empty, trite things like dishes, ironing, and housework. When comments like this are made in such ambiguity, with nothing "concrete" to take from it but to focus on the appearance of consumer items. The poor women in the church are then left to (like always) self analyze and adapt empty statements like these into their own complicated lives to find some meaning from these geriatric opinions, and then sadly have to defend them.

> She gave no direction, she merely focused on empty, trite things like dishes, ironing, and housework.

I do not believe that these (and other stereotypically house-wife-chores) are empty things. They are necessary things. Things that when done, yes, frustratingly, need done again, but they are very important. They keep the home running smoothly. They keep people happy. Several of my co-workers hire housekeepers because they can't find time to do these things for themselves - which proves my point that they are important.

Not only are they important, doing them is an act of service to the others in the household (and service is the main principal of Christianity). And if a home is running in such a way that only the mother does these things, something is wrong. Other people are missing opportunities to show care and love to each other.

Also, if you only heard focus on telling women to stay home and do these things, then you really didn't grasp the talk, nor the larger doctrines and teachings of the church that the talk indirectly references, with respect to a woman's role. The main reason the church wants somebody at home is to nurture the kids, not to make sure the shirts are ironed. Also, nothing was said that precludes the man's role as including doing everything he can to help with all of these things ("chores").

My mother stayed home, and my wife currently does. They both have and do accomplish amazing non-home things, while providing inestimable benefits to the children.

That's wonderful. I don't think this is only an LDS issue. This is an issue for all families around the world. Society is telling women they need to have a career to have an identity, and causing them to spread themselves to thin. This causes men to spread them selves too thin as well because both people need to be everything.

I honestly believe if a woman choses to be a mother, it's the most important thing she will ever do in her life because raising a child with lots of live and attention is the most critical thing a person can do.

A good mother should be revered as an American hero. If more woman were able to stay with their children now days, I don't believe we would have the crime and gang problems we have now in the US.

Spenwick, I question the value you put on Motherhood. Staying home raising children isn't degrading, nor is running a household. Having a job is beneficial to society, but choosing ones children and home over a career is far more beneficial to society. Besides, who really wants to hire someone to take care of you and your children? Not me. Being a stay at home Mother is the most noble and worthwhile act a woman can perform. If you are truly for womens rights, fight for women to be able to stay home and raise the children of the future.

Also, stating that you are "a male in the church" seems pretty desperate. Did you need that qualification to feel like you can be taken seriously. Make an effort to state your opinion without the associations. You may be a woman, or hispanic, or from Mars, or black, or agnostic, but that doesn't make you more or less legitimate. For all I know, you are really an Hispanic Muslim from Australia and no one knows the better. When people state their association I can't really take it seriously. Either you are or you aren't. Irrelevant.

This was a doctrinal sermon; for those of us who believe in and understand that there is an adversary in this world who would love to see the spiritual and physical destruction of our young, this is a rally cry—-to remind an ARMY of mothers, that to resist this destruction, their children need protection and teaching; they need INDIVIDUAL attention and care, it can’t be accomplished by hire. The tidy home, the perfect hair—-symbols and messages to those who would harm our young that someone cares, someone is taking time and watching and caring for this child, and this someone will respond if she or he should get into trouble.

I help raise the children of a woman I visit teach, a divorced working immigrant mother of two. Yesterday I took her daughter a protractor to school, because my working friend couldn’t. This morning I went to her home because the child couldn’t be persuaded to go to school. I eased the child into it, because her mother had to be at work. I was glad to do this for them. Her mother dreams of doing this for her own daughter. What about Diane Rehm’s discussion of elder care just two hours ago? What about sexual molestation in the schools in yesterday’s paper? Who always were the watchdogs and caretakers in society? Women, of course. We only notice how much good is being done, when it stops being done. Can you do this if your attentions are divided? Don’t be offended, sisters. Think it through.

I grew up in Utah and graduated from the University of Utah. Although I am not LDS I have grown up with the domestic LDS policy around me as it was evident in the families of all my friends. The one thing that interests me in this discussion is this idea of anti-feminism, in the traditional sense. My sister and I were raised by a single mother who's day to day work ethic is evident in both our lives now as we are both very immersed in our graduate work. It seems that as a young single woman in her early 20's my mother was limited in her opportunity to attain that autonomous professionalism that was once only the privilege of the male. Now, there is this renaissance of the traditional homemaker and I think that for the young and impressionable child this idea of female complacency is only suppressing the potential intellectual contribution(s) these young individuals could make to society, both now but more importantly later in their professional life. To frame one's life around somebody elses ideology, be it religious or not, is not realistic and shouldn't be taken as an absolute. In other words not everybody's situation is interchangable and Ms. Beck's analogy should be taken for what it is, her opinion.

Andrew James M.S. Utah '05

Here's the problem -- her talk can't be construed as just Julie Beck's opinion. That was evident in the very careful dialogue of Doug's guests. Faithful LDS women do not feel free to openly disagree with a talk given not only by the general president of Relief Society, but given in the context of General Conference. This talk was pre-approved, and can now be used for years in Relief Society lessons and talks.

It's hard not to notice in the last few years that we women of the church are hearing a call to arms to return full force to the traditional family structure -- there have been recent talks about not postponing marriage and children -- combine these messages with Julie Beck's and you may have a young mother at home with children and a husband working two jobs while he attends school -- that's the sort of struggling young family I am seeing quite often around me.

I also strongly believe that women and their children need the personal protection that time for a good education brings them, and that we don't want to travel backwards to when women's choices were limited.

Perhaps members of the Church and Sister Beck can learn from each other in this instance. Just as it bothered some of us that Sis. Beck seemed to be requiring "hair combed to perfection" and "spotless houses," we seem to be requiring of her that her talk be "perfect" in reaching out to women, and that it be "spotless" of generalizations. In my opinion, her presentation was not the best. I do I believe her intent was positive. If we allow her a little imperfection in public speaking, then perhaps in her future talks she too will be more understanding of imperfections in us.

I truly believe that the weakness of the talk was in the creation of her category... "women who know." In the creation of one category, she automatically created a second one... "women who don't know." And then she gave some very specifics of women who know. For those of us who don't fit those specifics, we immediately felt like we must then be in the "women who don't know category." To create a category as she did, was perhaps Sister Beck's weakness. Categorically thinking is one of the most unhealthy ways to think. Scientists have found that children think categorically, (in other words, in black and white.) Around 8 to 10 years old, we begin to think more abstractly... (in other words we see there are grays.)

There are many "women who know" in the Church who do not fit the specific lists Sis. Beck gave. This does not make them "women who don't know" simply "women who know" but who are in desperate situations either financially, emotionally, physically, or otherwise. The more I don't think of myself in black and white categories, but as someone who is slowly progressing along a path to being better, the more I enjoy life and allow imperfection in myself and others.

Unbelieveable the whining & complaining from many LDS women/sisters over Sis. Beck's talk. If anything in her talk bothers or offends us, then we need to look at ourselves & get on our knees & ask the Lord to help us see where we can do/be better & to forgive us for speaking against a general leader who had the go ahead for this talk by our Prophet himself & his counselors because they knew they were words we sorely needed to hear. Too many LDS women are following the so called wisdom of the world in trying to find fulfillment & they will only be met with sore disappointment when they realize that they won't find it in the opinions & things of this world but only in living the gospel valiantly.

I agree with a few pp's who mentioned LDS moms being called to arms & rededicating ourselves to living the gospel like we should & making our homes a refuge & a haven against the ever rising selfishness & chaos in this world.

From the RadioWest Inbox:

President Beck's focus on appearances, for example, that women should put their "daughters in clean and ironed dresses with hair brushed to perfection," is appalling in the face of everything I know about the Judeo-Christian ethic. While I am not a mother, I feel it's bad enough that mothers are embarrassed when their children or homes are untidy; Beck has now implied, if not outright stated, that this untidiness is linked to sinfulness and hinders Spiritual growth in children. I know adults who were raised in very messy homes, with wrinkled clothes and unkempt hair, that are remarkable contributors to Church and society. The type of uniform appearance and perfection Beck describes seems more like a scene from a disturbing Sci-Fi novel than a reflection of true Christian virtue.

Alisa from Midvale

All I can say is THANK YOU THANK YOU and DITTO!!!!

If being a stay at home mother is for the children, then why is there a list of things that also need to be done? Why can't the women decide what is right for themselves instead of the church telling them who and what they need to be and do? I have a brain, I can decide what is and isn't appropriate for me to do. I don't need someone I don't even know telling me what to do. I'd rather have a messy home and happy children, than have children I sit and fuss over and a spotless house. My children aren't props, they're people!

So many Mormon women talk about this issue as though to be a good mother, they should always stay home. There are only so many years before children are in school, and don't need care during the day. What's the big deal if a woman goes to work then? Yes, I know you can be a presence in the school, volunteer for field trips and room parent assignments and really continue to be a presence in your child's school life. But there is a lot that a working mother can do to stay connected to their child's life. I don't see why it has to be all or nothing. Why the judgement about mothers who are involved in their child's life, and work at the same time? Why isn't there more room for diversity with this? And if a woman does follow this course, where her life is completely wrapped up in her children, what happens when her children grow up? I have known countless women in this situation who don't know what to do with themselves when their children have moved out. They seem lost.

I would also like to mention that I was appalled at your guest's comments about women competing with men in the work place. I couldn't believe a comment like that was being made by a woman at this time in history.