Hello. This certainly is a hot-button topic in the lesbian community today! Thank you for giving it a broader forum.

I personally identify as "butch lesbian", which, to the population at large, is hard enough to understand. Those legs and feet in your photo might belong to me. This is how I look and feel when standing in line for the ladies' room. Sometimes I am aware that other people stare at me, most days I don't notice. When I enter the gym locker room, I am aware that other women may feel uncomfortable, so I make sure to avert my eyes and change in the restroom.

Often I experience looks or words of unadulterated hatred from men when I am out with a beautiful woman. There is something about my exterior that really enrages some, as though I am out to steal something that rightfully belongs to them; their ladies their status, their prerogatives. I can only call this base insecurity and I do not attempt to reason with men like this.

I often, jokingly, express the wish that one day, people will be able to look at me without thinking about sex! But it is my intention to be seen as different, and this momentary discomfort is part of that trade-off. As a former teen beauty queen (!) I feel that, having abandoned a traditional standard of beauty, that I am happier being a big fish in a very small pond than being marginally attractive across the board. If you can understand this...!

Let me be clear that I am definitely female and do not plan on ever changing my gender. To some it may appear that I already have. I am a lesbian who wears men's clothes and I am proud of my persona and the way I feel in my skin.

The subject of the 'pregnant man" was one that caused me some consternation. I know that when one goes through the transitional process, there is a great deal of counseling that is mandatory, the best reason I can think of, not having experienced it myself, is to make sure the candidate is really sure he or she wants to go through with it, because it is a big decision and can be, in some ways, permanent. I personally feel that a person should always have the freedom to change their mind and body in any way they see fit, but the media circus that Beatie encouraged was, to me, a shameful display of a person changing his mind and inviting the country to gawk at the spectacle A man did not have a baby.This is, of course, not possible. A person partway through transfiguring, decided to halt the process and create the sensation around himself. Was it for pride or monetary gain? I cannot know. It certainly does make one look at expectations of gender, but what have we learned? Can Beatie have been a man long enough to really feel what that means, thereby challenging the role of "husband" or "father"?

Thank you for your intelligent thoughts on this complicated matter.

Helen E. Amirian

The subject of the 'pregnant man" was one that caused me some consternation.

As I understood the story at the time, he deliberately did not complete the transition because he knew he wanted the opportunity to have children. The pregnancy was planned and carefully prepared for, and the only reason he outed himself was because he was about to be outed by a tabloid anyway and wanted to control the story to some extent.

It all sounded very well adjusted and logical to me. Why give up the chance for something you truly want if you don't have to? And at the same time, why have children when you are not ready, or stay a woman when it isn't your reality?

My first wife called me and suggested that I check out your program and website. She lives in Portland. My name is Emily and I live in California. I am 61 years old and, although being born a male, have always known, since my earliest recollection, that I am meant to be female. My earliest memory is of myself sitting on my bed in my bedroom, drawing a picture which depicted a house (in thoroughly five year old style) with two doors, one on each side of the house. On the left side, little boys were entering the house, and on the right, they were coming out of the house magically transformed into little girls, with pony tails, pretty dresses, and maryjanes on their feet. I also remember clearly what I felt, at once a feeling of how wonderful it would be and at the same time a feeling of sorrow that it couldn't be. And then the event which pressed this into my memory--my Mom came into the room and asked me what the picture was about. I remember I lied and made some story up, but also felt great shame, knowing full well what it was about, but little boys did not think such awful thoughts.
But I did think such awful thoughts, and continued to think them. Although seeming to be like every other male, I went through the usuals of life: I married, had children, held a good job, served my church as a pastor, but finally, at age 55, could not take it any longer. After two marriages, both of which were not really satisfying to me (and because I sincerely cared very much about my wives, I couldn't really figure out why) I finally told my second wife the truth. I couldn't live as a man any longer. I didn't want to die with the name I carried for so long in life on my tombstone. It would have been a lie.
Since then I have divorced and lost all, financially, that I had worked so long for. But I have what really counts. My three children love me. My first wife is one of my best friends (she actually traveled to Scottsdale, Arizona, to be with me when I underwent sex reassigment surgery). My second wife and I are working on getting along. My mother supports me, as does my brother. And I am Emily, the person I was meant to be.
I underwent surgery in July of 2007 and now am fully accepted as a woman. It is truly liberating. Despite the fact that I have lost three jobs since my decision, and that I was turned down for health insurance three times before Kaiser took me, I am happier about who and what I am than anytime in my life. Being a thinking person, this has spawned a lot of introspection on my part, a lot of thinking about what gender really means. The fact is, there is not really much difference, physically, between the two. But a whole lot culturally. At times I feel like I have always been female; at others, I am shocked by the differences in my two lives. But I am really, really grateful that I live in an age which has made my lifelong dream come true.

I guess I see this as a very personal issue for those who struggle with feelings of gender-dislocation. I haven't struggled with it myself, but had a close friend from high school who transitioned into living as a man for about a year, then transitioned back into being a woman. She now lives as a woman with her husband and has two daughters. I have tried to be loving and supportive through these transitions in her life, even as it was confusing. She seems much happier for having "tried out" being a man, but is honestly much happier in her life now than I have ever known her to be.

I recently watched the film "transamerica". It was really eye opening for me to see the complications that are added to an already difficult life by having to deal with gender identity issues.

It is not easy to understand these issues for people who don't struggle with them as the topic is blurred by the many different forms of cross-gender behavior, such as drag shows.

this topic is a is a great reminder that every person has their own truth and struggle in this world.

I was really pleased to hear that you were going to be focusing on trans people today. I am a 21 year old FTM who is currently living in New York for school but I'm originally from Portland. I started transitioning when I was 15 or 16, started testosterone when I was 17 and had chest surgery a few months after my 20th birthday.

One of the really interesting things that I've encountered regarding being a trans person who passes 100% of the time is taking part in conversations surrounding what it's like to be male (specifically a black male). I get asked about this a lot when I'm in school, in classes, at conferences, and when prospective students are asking me questions (I go to Sarah Lawrence College which is very white and primarily female) and I never really know how to respond. I generally tend to talk around the question but it is interesting because I look at life through a transgendered lens (and of course I have plenty of other identities) as opposed to a male one and also draw upon my experiences growing up as a girl and still having a female body. It's interesting because even though to anyone who would see me on the street I look like your average guy, I don't fit so cleanly into the male gender binary in a very different way that people who were born as male who identify as male do.

Adam

Here's a link to the film, "Austin Unbound," that our caller just brought up:

http://www.esodas.com/auabout.html

I am a transgender woman and a student at Lewis & Clark Law School.

Were it not for the love and support of my family and friends, I cannot imagine myself as the same healthy and successful person I am today. I want to encourage listeners to extend that same love and support to everyone in their lives, regardless of their gender assigned at birth or the gender they know they need to live.

The problems trans-folks face are real: 50% of gender non-conforming children seriously contemplate suicide. As many as 57% of transgender people have been victims of employment discrimination. These problems are not intrinsic to transgender identity itself, but are the direct result of the actions of those who decline to extend the love, support, and respect we all so dearly need.

We are making progress. Programs such as Talk Out Loud are introducing issues of gender identity to the public discourse, and as of this year, trans-folks are protected under Oregon's anti-discrimination law. I have great hope for the future.

Thanks for a great show!

Robyn Smith

In response to the last caller. If he believes the surgery should be illegal because it is unnecessary then we will need to make all other forms of elective cosmetic surgery illegal as well.

The book, "Our Stolen Future," called a sequel to Rachael Carson's "Silent Spring," cited medical teams that were observing endocrine disruption in fetal brain development due to the presence of persistent chemicals in our global food chain. It was stated there that the effects of these hormone mimics would masculinize the female embryo and feminize the male embryo. Why is this not being told to the public, especially as we continue to use sexual orientation as a socially divisive issue? Do your guests have any comments?

I would say that the traditional roles of male and female are really blurred in our household. I always have thought of myself as a "tom boy" and having more "male" characteristics; liking car chase movies, agressive at work, fishing... while my husband has "female" characteristics; home decorator, color consultant, buys the pots and pans. So I am really concenious when raising our son to not say things like, 'that is a girl color', 'trucks not dolls', and being open to having his toes painted like mommy (he loves painted toe nails). But I think when he starts school the peer pressure of what is "acceptible" for a boy is going to be difficult. He was even going to be the stay at home dad (five years of planning) until he got a better/more stable job offer than me.

Like Daiseycraze, I am also the "tomboy" and "fix-it gal" in my marriage and my husband is the cook and artistic one. We raised our daughter in a large city in a conciously "gender neutral" environment. She plays well with both boys and girls. What a culture shock when we moved to Vancouver when she was nine. The gender division is vast! Boys play football and girls do cheerleading. When she played football with the boys the girls were vicious towards her. The first couple years were very hard and she felt alienated. I am happy to see her stand up for what she likes; she is now the one in makeup making the touchdown! Unforgenately there are still a bunch of girls that have to make a negative issue out of that.

i would like to respond to the caller who talked about not being able to change your gender and the fact that gender re-assignment surgery should be illegal.

the concept of gender is purely societal. biological sex is different than gender. gender is fluid. gender is how you present yourself to the world around you. while our society is used to only having two genders, there are actually far more. what about women with facial hair? you can change your gender day to day if you wish. biological sex is more fix, there are also more than one biological sex. intersex is something not many people talk about. most who are intersex are considered freaks of nature, or their biological sex is chosen at birth. why is that not wrong?

speaking of wrong, why should gender reassignment surgery be outlawed but plastic surgery be allowed to flourish? surely the caller would agree that breast implants, tummy tucks, nose jobs and face lifts are for the most part not needed.

trans active is a local non-profit that works with trans and transitioning youth! google it. jenn burleton is the executive director she is great!

I have a neighbor who is transgender - a "she" who was born a he. I know I don't understand all of the thought processes of someone who makes this choice.

This person is a valuable individual, but to me it doesn't seem to fit for this person to be a female - he looks and sounds like a male, except for the hair which may be a wig and the feminine clothing.

I know that some struggle with knowing who they are.

It is my belief that people were a certain gender before they came to earth.

In my church - the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints - our presidency created a document called "The Family: A Proclamation to the World" in 1995. One part states:

"All human beings - male and female - are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose." (Check out www.mormon.org for more info.)

This may be hard for some to accept, but I believe this is where the fight against the "natural man" and "bridling our passions" comes in, as we learn in the Bible.

These people should definitely be accepted and loved, however, I believe that gender was set before we got here to earth. We should try to embrace the gender we were born with - that doesn't mean that girls have to wear dresses and boys have to love football.

In response to Jim who called in to the show, how can anyone possibly suggest that transgender surgery shouold be illegal, suggesting it was no different than asking a surgeon to cut off your arm? Oregon is built on progressive values, and I am proud to live in Portland, which should really be called "the other San Fransico." While I am not gay, nor transgender myself, I believe strongly in the inherant value of the indivual, that we are each CREATED by a loving God to be unique, beautiful, and worthy as a person. Every one of us DESERVES to be treated with respect, love, and dignity, no matter who we may be, BECAUSE we are EACH unique and wonderful in who we are inside. NONE OF US would want to be treated differently or shunned, or put down, or ostrisized, for any reason, and words and feelings can be just as hurful as anything else. How we are treated MATTERS, and we as a society - and as individuals - should strive to "do unto others as we would have them do unto us," and in so doing, to love each person without any judgements or assumptions. I applaud the courage of these indivuals to be themselves, and I am proud to live in Oregon, where they can.

My uncle (now aunt) came out as transgender after the death of her wife. Like one of the guests, she is close to 60 and has known she wanted to be a woman since the age of four or five.

I recently got a chance to visit with her at a family gathering and she handled it incredibly well, despite knowing that several of our relatives were skeptical of her choice of sexual transition--seeing it as a way to "get attention" from neglectful family members.

The very idea that a sane, rational person (like my aunt) would be motivated to change gender because of mental dysfunction is absurd. A society that refuses to accept that some people are born into the wrong sex, on the other hand--THAT is dysfunctional.

Gender, like sexuality, is performative, determined from a young age by the way we are socialized--the clothes we wear, the toys we play with, the way our parents and peers treat us.

Being transgender or gay is not 'normal,' it is perhaps a disorder of sorts. Not wanting the body you have, or literally hating the body you have, is certainly not healthy mentally. It is unfortunate that activists often don't acknowledge this. I can understand the social need not to; because of so much discrimination. But, you can still be throughly accepted even if you are not 'normal.' This is what activists should strive for, they shouldn't bend reality. It is difficult to get people to understand this fine line: if someone has a disorder or is not 'normal'---we should not discriminate against them because of it. Because everyone is indeed not 'normal.'

"Normal" is so over-rated.

What is not normal is being told by society that you are not 'normal' because you don't fit into the binary fallacy of gender. Although it is 'normal' that this would lead to mental health problem associated with the body especially with hatred of it. So yes, it would be great if we could be more accepting towards individuals who come from all over the gender spectrum. As far as calling it a disorder, a simile would be calling internalized racism a disorder. Another way to analyze the problem would be to turn the finger away from the individual and whether or not they are normal, healthy or disordered and instead point the finger at society and ask if the way it treats this individual is healthy?

Hey Jack, I totally agree with what you say here. It may well be primarily a social problem. Internalized racism, hatred of one's self because of what society says about one's race, is a great analogy. However, if a black man wanted to become white, to have skin-replacement surgery because he'd internalized society's prejudices against him. . . well, we'd definitely try to talk him out of it, wouldn't we? It'd be a terribly misguided decision; it'd be caving in to an internalized evil, and it wouldn't, ultimately, fix the real problem.

Jack Books + Lighthouse,

Internalized racism is a bogus comparison that doesn't fit at all!

Wanting to be white (if you are black), because there is prejudice against blacks, is nothing to do with being transgender. Being transgender is not caused, because people favor one sex over the other, or because one sex is discriminated against. I could see how you would want this comparison to fit, but it is far off.

Additionally, being black is definitely not (by any ridiculous stretch) a disorder.

Yes, a lot (perhaps most) psychological issues associated with being transgender could be from the societal response. But that doesn't speak to whether it is or isn't a disorder.

But our society does favor the concept of male and female over the idea of transgenderedness. People do discriminate against people who aren't male or female. This causes an internalized hatred just as with people who are not white. While getting your skinned surgically lighted sound far, fetched what about hair straighter, skin cream that gives you a lite complexion, what about the assimilation factor. What happens to the person who tried to dress in non-western clothes.

I am definitely trying to say here that I don't think surgery fixes the underlying societal issue but I am say that it can help someone live a happy productive life. I don't really think that anti-depressants solve the problem of our lack of fulfillment in life in our modern age but I wouldn't say that even though they manipulate a person brain that a person shouldn't have a right to use them, if it helps them be a happy and productive person. I suppose a person could say that manipulating a person's mind is different than manipulating a person's body but is it? Studies have shown that children who are raised with emotional abuse have the same amount of PTSD: Post traumatic stress disorder as those who were raised in a physically abuse environment.

I think above all it comes down to the you can't judge until you have walked a mile in someone else's shoes.

The notion that all non-medically necessary surgeries should be illegal seems absurd to me. If a breast augmentation, tummy tuck or gender reassignment surgery helps you to enjoy your life and feel right in your body, I don't see the harm. I'm not sure that medical insurance needs to pay for it, but if someone has the funds and feels strongly about it, then I say go for it. How is it different from the mother of 5 kids with leftover skin getting a tummy tuck? -Rachael in Corvallis